A Brief History of Time According to Sapience

Please keep in mind; the measurements below are highly accurate (as are their relationships to each other). However, the descriptions are for entertainment purposes only. Unless you win money, then you owe me 10%.
NOW!
Never gonna happen!
At some point in the future (also; At some point)
We’re in pure Nostradamus territory here. We have a magic 8 ball and even it said, “Ask again later”.
In the future
This isn’t going to happen during any variety of soon you care to use. In fact, it’s pretty far out there. Not as far as ‘at some point’, we’re certainly not suggesting you book vacation time just yet, but, we’re probably talking about something that is possible within the current time line. Assuming, of course, the Mayans got it wrong and we’re still here after all that crazy ‘end of the world’ stuff.
In the near future
This is absolutely, positively, without question, a possibility. In fact, it might even be a real possibility. But as to when, we’ll have to get back to you on that one.
Soon™
No lie. It’s going to happen. It’s going to happen really freakin’, like, eventually. But it will happen!
“Soon”
It’s official! We have given consideration to a possible date and we now have several possibilities!
Soon
We’ve narrowed the date down to something within the calendar year!
soon
No really, we have a date now! It’s even penciled in on a calendar somewhere!
MoreSoonerish
We have a date, and we’re probably going to tell you what that date is…soon!
Incredisoon
OK! We’re done messin’ around. We have a date, we’ve found the calendar we wrote it on, and we are going to tell you. Like right freakin’ shortly! Seriously!
Tomorrowish-esque™
This is going to happen within the next 24 hours. Give or take some random number of hours which may or may not exceed an amount equal to the number of miles between the reader and the International Date Line divided by 163.97241. Unless the person is actually standing on the International Date Line at the time of reading, in which case the world will end in a cataclysmic divide by zero error and none of this will matter anyway. This is all barring any conflicts with ‘The Schedule’, of course.
As soon as possible
Time being the slippery thing it is, this has quite probably already happened. If not, it is very likely to happen while someone is typing up the message telling you when it will happen. Assuming, that it is in fact possible.